Match Report: Wednesday 25th August

Churchy's Team: 5
Tom's Team: 9

Churchy's Team: Churchy, Shaun, Rich, Chris, Little Dave, Big Dave, Kev, Sam, Barry
Tom's Team: Tom, Rich, Matt, Brett, Jason, Jonny, Jonni, Ed, Paul

Ideal conditions for a game of football and it was good to see Big Dave and Paul return after long absences, the Church brothers and Brett also returned. It was Rich Church's birthday and he turned up with a nice new football and a dreadful liverpool shirt - seriously bad dress sense from an otherwise thoroughly decent chap. Anyway, game on...

The game started with Churchy's Team on the attack and although Brett and Tom dealt with most things comfortably Tom's team couldn't seem to keep the ball upfront or get any kind of attack going which meant each time the ball was cleared it just came straight back. It wasn't long before a nice move from Churchy and Little Dave led to Shaun being played in and he made no mistake firing past Matt in goal. Matt got a hand to it and really should have done better.

Fortunately for Tom's team, Ed and Jonny turned up and joined their team (Big Dave and Sam also turned up and joined Churchy's Team). Jonny W needed a few minutes to warm up and ran around a bit like this man (although when he got going he played more like this man (that is about the speed he runs nowadays too)).

A change of keepers saw Tom replace Matt in goal but his first job was to pick the ball out of the net after Churchy had marked his birthday with a nice run and a quality shot low into the far corner that left Tom rooted to the spot looking like a waxwork Buzz Lightyear in a football kit. Nice goal and 2-0.

Tom's team started to get back into the game with Jonni and Jonny providing some width on the left and Ed causing all sorts of problems for Sam and Kev in defence. Brett was playing some beautiful passes from the back and spreading the play brilliantly. It wasn't long before Ed got in a pulled a couple of goals back, on another occasion, he did well to keep a ball in on the left, beat a defender, then his hat flew off his head and he caught it in his hand whilst beating a second man, but ultimately his shot hit the side netting. Ed needs to get a hat that stays on... or have a haircut, but there's no telling teenagers is there?

The game settled into the normal St Paul's pattern of both teams going for goals and counter-attacking at every opportunity. Jonny W was enjoying the challenge of running with the ball with space scarce and he made a number of goalscoring chances for his team. Tom also played some nice balls into the box and Matt had a couple of headers that were OK but didn't really trouble the keeper. Matt and Ed both blasted the ball over the fence and had long jogs round the fence to get the ball back.

Then Churchy lost the ball in defence after a challenge (Rich claimed foul) by Jason and Ed was on hand to slot the ball home, he doesn't miss those. A ludicrous handball from Jason (he was in goal and ran out, miles out of his area and just picked the ball up) led to a free kick which Shaun cleverly took quickly and played the ball in to Barry but his shot flew wide.

Then a great goal from Churchy, collecting the ball about 25 yards out on the left wing, he looked up and hit a volley with the outside of his boot that flew past Jason in goal. Spectacular. Paul, who was have a good game on his return, ventured up front and the ball fell to him after Churchy had challenged Matt, Paul hit an exquisite first time shot that arched into the far corner. Brilliant.

Little Dave was also having a great game and one of his runs seemed to have paid off when he got some space in the area and his shot beat Jonni in goal. However, Matt had run back and got a foot to the ball on the line, it flew up onto the bar, bounced down, hit Jonni and bounced over. Close! There was a bit of mumbling about goal line technology, but claiming that had crossed the line would be akin to claiming Simon Bissett is teetotal.

There were some tasty challenges. Some nice quick foot work from Big Dave saw him skin Jason, although, just when he looked to have made some space for himself, Jason floored him and Dave went down like a stack of giant jenga bricks. Free kick! Matt nearly took Kev's head off with a foot so high it could have joined Pink Floyd and Brett put in a number of solid, but fair, tackles all over the pitch.

Sam hit the bar from a nice flicked header, the Jason made a great save, so did Paul and Kev made a good save from Jason after Matt pinched ball from Churchy and played the ball across the box - the scoreline could certainly have been higher. Big Dave grabbed a nice goal from distance, hitting the ball hard and low past Paul in goal.

Tom's team started to pull away a bit though. Ed was in a ruthless mood and scored a peach of a goal past Kev, curling the ball low into the far corner after a nice turn. That made it four goals for Ed. Then Jonni broke down the right, cut inside and buried the ball into the back of the net. Matt even got on the score sheet after a nice through ball found him one-on-one with the keeper and he hit it through the keeper's legs. Despite Little Dave pulling one back there was no catching Tom's team and, fittingly, the final word was left to Tom who finished off a good win with a nice goal on the turn. so 9-5 and time was called. A good game that could have had a lot more goals in it, well played lads.

Goal Of The Week: Both of Churchy's goals were great and Ed's fourth was fantastic but Paul's first time finish was sublime and wins GOTW this week. Paul had a great game after a long absence and fully deserved his goal, well done Paul.

Player Of The Week: Brett and Tom were both outstanding again, as was Little Dave. Kev Church had yet another solid game, Jonny W was great and Ed scored 4 goals and managed to keep his hat on for most of the game. Still, you have to say that Churchy was awesome yet again! Rumours before the game suggested that it was his 32nd birthday, but in a slight of hand typical of a Nigerian footballer, Churchy claims to be a mere 23 years old. He spent most of the game out on the left wing and put in some very dangerous crosses that had the opposition defence at full stretch, always involved in the attacks Churchy linked up brilliantly with both Daves and also went on some nice runs himself. He also got back to help in defence and, once again, proved what an excellent tackler he is. You can always rely on Churchy to put in a good shift, but he topped off a great performance with two wonderful goals. Looking like a cross between Magnum PI and Harry Enfield's scousers with the skills of Paul Scholes and Joe Cole genetically spliced into his own already considerable skills Churchy bossed the game and put in a performance that fully deserved the POTW. Well done Rich and Happy Birthday!

Match Report: Wednesday 11th August

Dave's Team: 6

Sam's Team: 6

Dave's Team: Dave, Phil, Andy, Jonni, Kev, Roy

Sam's Team: Sam, Matt, Simon J, Rich, Churchy, Jason

As a few of us gathered in the foyer of Engergise, with the "new look" England team playing on the TV it appeared that we'd be playing 4-a-side and would have to ask for the pitch to be made smaller. With a few lads away on camp, Simon B up to his eyeballs in beer in Kent, Brett missing (presumably fighting crime), Buncey AWOL and Tom on a beach somewhere playing vollyball (think Top Gun) we were, once again, desperate for players.

The returning Phil picked the teams and then the Church brothers turned up to make it 5-a-side, followed shortly by Andy and Jason, so, we had 6-a-side and the prospect of an energy sapping game exploiting the space on the pitch. You can see by the score line how well the teams were picked.

The game turned out to be a fantastic contest played at a blistering pace with both teams starting strongly. For Sam's team Simon J and Churchy passing and running with the ball, with Jason upfront finding space and Sam in midfield supporting from deep. Dave's team countered this with strong defending from Jonni and Roy and Phil's box-to-box powerful runs and Dave's tricky play. Kev seemed to be popping up everywhere and Andy was a real danger from the left wing. Rich had to be strong in defence for Sam's team as Kev and Phil fashioned a few early half chances and Kev found himself wide right on a few occasions but fortunately for Sam's team the final ball was not quite there.

So, the game settled into attack-counterattack-attack mode with some fast breaks from defence and last ditch tackles. One such break found Phil running at Matt as the last defender, with Dave to his right Phil tried to slip the ball through but he put it too close to Matt's chubby leg and the pass was just cut out. Phil went mental at himself, but there was no time for that as Sam's team were suddenly the ones with the opposition's defence at full stretch.

Churchy opened the scoring with a nice finished past Jonni as the keeper ran out to block. That was one of the problems with only having 6 players - the goalkeepers were often left exposed. 1-0 was soon 2-0 when after winning a corner, Churchy played a lovely ball in along the ground and a great run from Simon left him with an easy tap in. Then Matt found himself free in the area, turned and shot but Kev made an outstanding diving save.

The 2-0 lead did not last long as Phil got a bit of space just outside the area and despite Matt attempting to close him down (which to Phil, must have felt like this) he fired in an excellent shot that flew into the bottom corner. A brilliant finish.

Phil then produced the save of the game. Simon J was played in on the left wing by Matt, but Phil charged out of his area and Simon attempted to lift the ball over him. It was a nice bit of skill but Phil (who was now outside his area) jumped up and performed a most blatant handball. Simon took the free kick quickly as Churchy had made a good run to the back post and the pass was inch perfect. Churchy hit the ball hard and low from a couple of yards out, but somehow Phil dived and kept it out. Fantastic save.

The chances and goals came think and fast and it's all a bit of a blur, but included:

• A lovely goal from Sam's team: Churchy had done well on the right wing, beating a couple of players and after shrugging off the close attention from Phil, he played a peach of a ball into the box. Simon J made a great run across the box and produced a sublime dummy which fooled everyone and the ball ran to the back post where Jason was waiting and blasted in from close range.

• A goal from Roy where he chipped the ball beautifully over the keeper.


• A Tap in from Churchy followed by him grabbing a hat-trick with a wonderful volley into the top corner


• A cool finish from Dave after a corner had been cleared, but then struck Rich on the knee sending the ball back into the box and Dave controlled well and slipped the ball past Matt's dive.


• A rare goal from Matt! He picked the ball up deep in his own half and ran at Phil who was the last defender. Simon J and Jason were available on each wing, but Matt continued to run at Phil who continued to back off, then a drop of the shoulder and a left foot shot from distance from Matt led to the ball arrowing into the goal leaving the keeper rooted to the spot. It's rare to see Matt score from more that two yards!

So, it was 6-5 to Sam's team and time was running out. It looked like they would earn the win in a closely fought contest. Enter Phil McBride. He picked the ball up in the middle and ran at the defence beating about three players and letting fly with a brilliant shot. However, the ball cannoned off the foot of the post and rebounded out to a defender. The clearance should have been easy but Phil threw himself at the ball and deflected it to Roy who was waiting at the back post for the simplest of tap ins. 6-6.

Both teams went for the win but the chances dried up and "time" was called on a great game with a draw being a fair outcome. Great game lads.

Goal Of The Week: Roy's tap in, Phil run beat 3 players, hit the post, blocked the clearance and then the ball found it's way to Roy who tapped in at back post. This goal was made by Phil's relentless, bottled up anger which was threatening to burst forth like a nuclear bomb exploding in a filing cabinet. I haven't seen anger like that since Simon B last played. Classic St Paul's football.

Player Of The Week: Simon J was head and shoulders above the rest of us - pure quality. That said, no one had a bad game and there were good performances from Jonni, Roy, The Church Brothers and Phil in particular. In fact, despite his frustration Phil was very close to giving a POTW performance, it's just that Simon was so good. Like an updated, modern take on the Milky Bar Kid, Simon stands out with his skillful runs and excellent passing. He led his team brilliantly and his dummy that set up Jason's goal was awesome. One of the performances of the season. Well done Simon.

Match Report: Wednesday 4th August

Brett's Team: 4 or 5
Jonni's Team: 2

Brett's Team: Brett, Churchy, Rich, Little Dave, Shaun, Jason, Barry, Ed
Jonni's Team: Jonni, Matt, Kev, Big Dave, Tuvvy, Roy, Sam, Andy T

A good evening for a game of football, although an earlier downpour had left the pitch slightly slippery and a few players lost their footing during the game. Fortunately, apart from a tiny graze on Roy's arm there were no injuries. Speaking of injuries, I was saddened earlier in the day by a Tweet from Kerron that said: "The chances of me ever playing football again are remote. Even hobbling makes my ankle swell to the size of a grapefruit!" I thought that that was a real shame, until I ran his message through the Enigma machine and it read: "Wife watching! Can't wait to get back but proceeding with caution. Milking injury while I can. Wife smells a rat. Back soon. Mum's the word. Over". So that was better news.

Tuvvy, Big Dave, Roy, Kev and Ed all returned and there was a debut for Barry and a new haircut for Jonni.

So, on to the game, Matt picked the teams and Shaun picked the ends (so that Jonni's team were facing the sun) and we kicked off with Matt and Brett in goal. Tuvvy and Big Dave were extremely fired up and started the game at full throttle attacking Brett's team with support from Roy and Andy on the wings. Rich, Little Dave and Churchy looked pretty comfortable in defence though and there were no real chances early on. Rich chopped down Andy (I think) and Big Dave took the direct free kick and (egged on by Matt in goal) had a shot, but the ball was high and wide.

Keeper change and almost immediately Matt nearly opened the scoring - a great cross from Tuvvy found him at the back post and Matt tried to direct his header in to the far corner, the keeper looked beaten but the ball went wide. It was one of those games where the defences were on top, Brett and both Riches and Sam and Jonni all mopping up any attacks that came their way. A great run from Jonni had Brett's team on the back foot and he slipped the ball to Matt whose shot cannoned off the post and went wide (Little Dave claimed he had it covered though). At the other end, Churchy was looking lively and turned Matt brilliantly and let fly with a great shot that seemed destined for the far corner but Kev got in a great block and the ball went out for a throw. Little Dave and Barry were playing well and showing some nice skills, Dave in particular was enjoying running at the defence, but clear cut chances were rare. Ed had a couple of sniffs at goal, but seemed to be having a battle to keep his hat on which was taking priority over the footy. Big Dave, Tuvvy and Roy were driving forward but the game was getting a bit scrappy in the middle and both teams seemed reluctant to keep the ball on the floor.

Then the breakthrough, a peach of a ball from Brett over the defence and Little Dave made a great run. Tuvvy, in goal, neglected to come out and catch the ball, instead deciding to wait for the ball to come to him to kick, but Dave nipped in a touched the ball past him. It was a good goal though and Tuvvy made amends a short time later pulling off a fantastic reflex save from a powerful shot.

Jonni's team were throwing all their efforts into getting an equaliser and leaving Sam and Jonni more and more exposed in defence. Kev was looking busy and was involved in most of the attacks, I was convinced he'd scored when the ball broke to him in the area and a lovely flick beat Rich in goal, but Rich somehow managed to reach back and pluck the ball out of the air - a great save. Matt went on a run and after beating a couple of players and faced a back pedalling Brett, Roy ran past on the overlap and screamed at Matt for the ball. Matt shot. The ball flew high and wide and Roy went mental - like a three year old who had just been told to turn off Toy Story because it was bedtime. I honestly thought he was either going to punch Matt or have some kind of cerebral aneurysm. It was like watching that Angry German Kid on YouTube, but directed by Tarantino. Matt was so scared he did a little sick in his mouth.

Andy had been playing well on the left wing and he had a nice run, beat the defender, but the angle was too tight and his shot hit the side netting. Then it was Sam's turn to go close. After a scramble in the area Sam won the ball and struck a lovely dipping shot which had the keeper well beaten but the ball went inches wide - so close! Would this goal ever come?

Committing most of their players to go in search of an equaliser had left Jonni's team pretty stretched at the back and with Shaun, Jason and Ed all lurking up front and Churchy and Little Dave relishing the chance to break quickly the chances did come and it was soon 2-0, then 3-0, with Dave grabbing another and I think Barry scored on his debut.

Then the goal that Jonni's team deserved finally came. After a good corner from Tuvvy the ball pinballed around in the area before falling to Kev who hit an unstoppable shot into the top corner. A goal Kev deserved after his hard work. However, a quick break from Brett's team found Ed who, having sort out all his hat woes, controlled the ball nicely and finished brilliantly from distance. A nice finish. Shortly afterwards Little Dave completed his hat-trick and somehow Jonni's team found themselves on the end of a thrashing.

Matt went on another run and, again, found Brett in his path. Having learnt from (and been mentally scarred by) his mistake last time, he knocked the ball through to Roy, who hit it first time and slotted the ball into the bottom corner. There's a lesson in there somewhere. Roy suddenly burst into song and started singing Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" - a noble stance but Brett ensured that there was no way Jonni's team would score again by letting absolutely nothing by him for the rest of the game. That song reminded me of the final scene in the Sopranos where Tony gets murdered, at least, I think he did, or did he? Yeah, he definitely did, well, probably.

There was still time for Kev to produce an outstanding goal line clearance from Little Dave, but Jonni's team had run out of time. At the end Jonny W turned up in his dad jeans, the ball rolled to him and he nearly tripped over it, declaring happily "I've still got it". He has, I'm just not sure exactly what "it" is.

Goal Of The Week: Kev Church's goal was nice as was Roy's, but Ed's finish was excellent and he wins this week's GOTW. Well done Ed.

Player Of The Week: Not that many outstanding performances this week. For Jonni's team, Jonni stood out, he had a great game in defence and was involved in most of the attacks too and never gave up. Kev also played really well. For Brett's team, Churchy and Little Dave were both great. Churchy is still one of our best tacklers and he can also run with the ball and was unlucky with a couple of shots. Can't really separate the Church brothers this week, but Kev did score. Little Dave was full of energy and it is a nightmare to get the ball off him. Some of his runs were sublime and you can't really argue with a hat-trick. However, once again, Brett put in an outstanding performance in defence. He was just impossible to get past for the whole game. He cut out any long balls and won the ball every time he went in for it. He's so fast and strong in the tackle that when he takes the ball off you it like being hit by a drag racing monster truck. His pass to Dave for the opening goal was superb and even when his team fashioned a decent lead he kept his discipline and stayed back in defence to ensure Jonni's team had no way back. He looks like Michael Keaton as batman to me, but probably prefers the blue & white of Sheffield Wednesday to the batsuit, he's probably quicker than Batman too. Like a more ruthless and less grumpy version of his drinking buddy (Phil McBride), Brett leads his team well and shows no mercy to the oppositions attackers. A great game Brett, well done.