The Road To Butcher's Hill

The Road To Butchers Hill

St Paul's had been invited to enter a 7aSide tournament organised by YCFL (the league we are joining in September) and the invitation was eagerly accepted. A squad, for once, was easy to get together and consisted: Kev Church, Rich Church, Roy Gibson, Phil 'Jags' McBride, Matt Young, Tom Haigh, Matt Herbert, Will Gardener, Kerron Cross and Ed Boon. Simon 'Pretty Boy' Bissett couldn't play due to a recent operation so joined us to manage the team and provide any muscle needed for protection (the tournament was in Leeds after all).

The plan was to meet at Energise at 9:45am and drive to Butchers Hill Playing Fields in convoy in order to arrive in time to register (although, it turns out, registering pretty much involved just parking and kicking a ball about). Everyone got there on time expect for captain sensible himself, Phil McBride, who decided to turn up 10 minutes late – each minute seeing Pretty Boy get more and more irate. When Phil eventually blessed us with his presence everyone just jumped in their cars and headed off in their own direction. So much for going in convoy...

Turns out that Pretty Boy is an excellent navigator and we arrived at Butchers Hill on time, which is when we discovered that we would be playing on grass and none of us had brought boots. Fortunately, that didn't seem to matter in the end.

We picked an empty goal from the four pitches that had been set up and started taking pot shots at Kev whilst Pretty Boy and captain Tom discussed starting line-ups and a new “Christmas Tree” formation. Worryingly we spent more time collecting the ball from behind the goal than Kev did making any saves or picking the ball out of the net. Churchy (whose definition of “a pair of shorts” leaves a lot to be desired) was particularly wayward which is very out of character.

We didn't practice penalties.

Eventually the teams (16 or so) were called together and the rules of the tournament were explained and groups read out. We would be in a group with: ICC Doncaster, St John's and Gateway FC.

First up in our group was Gateway FC v ICC Doncaster (if ICC were a boxer they would be Ivan Drago), the ref blew the whistle and ICC kicked off. What followed was actually quite scary. ICC passed the ball at speed and had a fluid team movement that Barcelona would have been taking notes from. After 10 seconds the ball was in the back of the Gateway net and our “dugout” was stunned into a worried silence with a few of us exchanging “what are we doing here?” looks... except for Simon, whose eyes narrowed determinedly. Goodness knows how Gateway felt but to their credit they they pulled themselves together and kept it tight for the rest of the game and even fashioned a few half chances (their number 10 looked like one to watch out for). However, despite a battling performance from Gateway, ICC won 2-0 and it was time for our game against St John's. Simon's instructions: “Do not lose the first game.”

We lined up with Kev in goal and a backline of Churchy, Matt Y and Roy, Tom and Matt H made up the midfield and Will started on his own upfront with instructions to always stay as far forward as possible. St John's put St Paul's under plenty of pressure from the off and St Paul's were finding it hard to break forward. The back three were struggling (you'd never have guessed they played together every Wednesday evening) and it wasn't long before St John's were went 1 up. Simon responded quickly by bringing Phil on for Roy and moving Matt Y to right-back with Phil slotting into the centre. Phil's barked orders steadying the defence and St Paul's started to look a bit more solid and even started to put pressure on the St John's defence. However, after a good passing move St John's went 2-0 up. A great move between Will, Tom and Matt H nearly ended in a goal but Matt nodded a header wide when he would have expected to score. St Paul's continued to defend well and with a few minutes to go the ball broke to Matt H and he beat a player or two before calmly slotting the ball past the keeper to make it 2-1 and give St Paul's a glimmer of hope. St Paul's continued to press but St John's held out and the game finished 2-1 to St John's.

We were straight back on to face Gateway FC and with ICC up next we really needed to win the game to stand a realistic chance of qualifying. Phil and Matt Y were determined to keep their number 10 quiet and therefore nullify Gateway's main goal threat. It was tight, hard fought game but St Paul's had the better chances, Will, Matt H, Kerron and Tom all going close, Ed was battling well upfront and Phil and Matt Y were keeping things quiet at the back which gave Will more opportunity to push forward. There were a couple of comical “PHIL'S... oh, maybe not...” shouts from Phil, but otherwise he had the defence sewn up tighter than a Scotsman's purse. Gateway nearly pinched it right at the death when a long ball found its way through to their sub about 5 yards from goal. A clever flick needed a smart save from Kev to keep things level. So, the game ended 0-0 and we had our first point but would need a good performance to beat ICC and stand a chance of qualifying for the main knockout stage.

We sat out the next game and watched Gateway FC v St John's. We were routing for St John's as we were level on points with Gateway and didn't want to finish bottom of the group. However, Gateway, despite being under a lot of pressure, took the lead against the run of play – their flashy number 10 found himself in acres of space and smashed the ball past the keeper. St John's upped their game and put Gateway under constant pressure but it looked like Gateway would hold out, however, St John's grabbed two quick goals with time running out and snatched victory from the jaws of defeat, winning the game 2-1. Although it was the result we wanted it was hard not to feel sorry for Gateway. The result also meant that we couldn't qualify for the main knockout stage.

ICC Doncaster were up next, a team straight out of the Roy Of The Rovers villainous football teams handbook. They had a fat keeper who was a thug, an excellent number 10 that they all worshipped and a dirty number 14 who made Jimmy Bullard look like Mr Universe. In the words of Kevin Keegan, I would love it if we beat them. It's probably a good thing pretty boy was injured or things could have got a bit tasty!

The game kicked off and ICC started with a swagger that said “This is going to be easy”, however, Phil, Matt Y, Will and Tom were defending well and Ed was holding the ball up well up front, add Matt H's runs down the wing and the game was a lot more even than you would have expected. Then a bit of controversy that would prove to be crucial. Matt H weaved his way into the area and was brought down by the keeper about 3 or 4 yards from goal. As one, St Paul's shouted “PENALTY” but the ref inexplicably awarded a free-kick! St Paul's worked a shot from the free-kick but it was blocked by a defender. That incident galvanised ICC but they couldn't break through a stubborn St Paul's defence and were restricted to taking shots from distance that didn't trouble Kev. ICC did come close when their number 10 waltzed past Matt Y and hit a powerful shot that struck the bar and bounced down and out (not even a Russian linesman could have argued that that had gone in). With a couple of minutes left one of ICC's player burst through the middle and Tom had no option but to bring him down on the edge of the area for a free-kick. They took a shot from the free-kick but it struck the ref (why he was standing there I will never know!) and re-bounded nicely to one of their players whose scuffed shot wrong footed St Paul's defence and the ball trickled into the corner of the goal. So, the game finished 1-0 to ICC and it felt like a most unjust defeat, especially when Pretty Boy asked the ref why he hadn't awarded us a penalty and he responded that he didn't know we were doing penalties (!!) and that if he had known he would have given one.

I think the table finished like:

P F A Pts
ICC 3 5 0 9
St John's 3 4 4 6
St Paul's 3 1 3 1
Gateway FC 3 1 4 1

The top two teams from each group went into a knockout stage to play for the cup and the bottom two into another knockout stage to compete for the“trophy” so we know we had at least one more game to play, but first lunch....

Lunch was a burger and a promise of a hotdog once we got knocked out. During lunch the league handed out various awards from the season – league champions, cup winners, leading scorers etc. All three of the teams from our group went up and received something – talk about a tough draw! Pretty Boy wandered off to a local pub for a pint, the pub looked bad from the outside, but apparently that was nothing compared to the inside! (bizarrely I gather he was offered a large quantity of milk from the back of someone's car). Two guys gave their testimonies, which I thought was interesting and, whatever your views on what they were saying, I think you have to admire them for having the guts to do it in front of a hundred or so blokes. Anyway, on to the knockout stages,,,,,

First up were Scunthorpe Irons and by now Pretty Boy had settled on a starting line up of: Kev, Will, Phil, Matt Y, Tom, Matt H and Ed. Having seen a couple of teams play the first knockout game we were feeling reasonably confident as it was apparent that the quality was not as good as that which we had already faced, In fact, Tom declared that he “fancied lifting a trophy” and promised if we won it he would join us at church the next morning (to place the cup on the alter).

Warming up next to the pitch left me very concious of the burger that was sitting in the bottom of my stomach like an animal rights activist chained to a gate, perhaps lunch should have been a little lighter! We kicked off against Scunthorpe Irons and to be fair never really looked in trouble, Phil continued to dominate in defence and and Kev didn't have much to do. Matt Y won the ball in the right-back position and Matt H gave him a great call which stopped Matt Y smashing the ball out, instead, he looked up and found Matt H with a nice long ball. Matt H controlled the ball brilliantly, beat a player and hammered the ball into the top corner, a great goal and we were 1-0 up. Shortly afterwards Tom added a second with a nice cross-come-shot that looped over the keeper. We relaxed after that and the saw the game out without incident and we were in the semi-final.

We caught the end of the other quarter-final and saw Frank Worthington FC (I'm sure they were called that, but it's an odd name for a footy club) knock out our group mates Gateway FC on penalties. Did I mention that we hadn't practiced penalties?

So, we face FWFC in the semi-final and it was a much tighter game that the previous one, however, both keepers were pretty much untroubled, it was one of those games where the defences are on top and there wasn't much goal mouth action despite both times trying to win the game in normal time. However, time slipped away and the final whistle blew and left us facing a penalty shootout. The shootout was straight into sudden death and Pretty Boy had at least three volunteers (Tom, Will and Matt H) to take a penalty.

Tom won the coin toss and Pretty Boy declared that we should kick first. Tom was like a rabid fighting dog on a leash and was eyeing the keeper with a confident, slightly knowing grin. The ref blew and Tom stepped forward and hammered the ball low into the bottom corner – i'm not sure the keeper even moved. 1-0.
Kev took his place in goal and bounced around making the goal look small, their penalty taker did not look confident and after a short run up put the ball exactly where Kev would have wanted it and he made the save look easy – we were though to the final 1-0 on penalties! Everyone ran to Kev to congratulate him, although, as Tom was at pains to point out, you have to score one first!

Our opponents in the Trophy Final were St Peter's – a team who had had a bye in the quarter final and gone straight into the semi-final.

St Peter's were a good side, certainly a step up from the previous two games, they had some good, quick, strong players and communicate well as a team. Nevertheless, St Paul's held their own and even fashioned the best chance of the first half when Matt H found Ed in the box after a good run, Ed took a touch before shooting and the shot was blocked. The first half was tight with St Peter's doing most of the attacking requiring Phil, Will and Matt Y to work hard in defence. Tom was battling hard in midfield and was tackling anything that moved and despite being on top St Peter's failed to fashion any clear-cut chances.

The second half was much the same as the first with both teams working hard, Phil nearly had a hernia bellowing at his defence after Matt Y had lost his man on a corner forcing Phil to step in with a last ditch block. Eventually though, the pressure paid off and St Peter's took the lead, and what a goal it was too. A peach of a cross from deep beat both Matt Y and Will and their striker buried an excellent header past Kev. 1-0 down and time was running out, St Paul's attacked with more urgency and there were half-chances for Kerron, Matt Y and Matt H but St Peter's defence did well and their were no decent opportunities for St Paul's strikers. A number of long throws into the area followed but the ball just would not fall for St Paul's, St Peter's held firm and the final whistle blew and the Trophy would not be coming to Holgate.

St Paul's were deflated but also felt that they could hold their heads high after some decent performances (they didn't lose any games by more than a one goal margin). It would have bee great to get our hands on the Trophy, especially seeing Tom deliver it to church. As it was, we headed to the nags head to reflect on the day and have a pint. The lads voted Matt Herbert as Player Of The Tournement with Phil Mcbride coming in a close second after a great performance in defence.

Player Ratings:

Kev: a sound pair of hands, Kev made a few stunning saves as always – the last minute save against Gateway and of course the semi-final penalty save stick in the mind. Kev commanded his area well and never looked anything other than as cool as ice. Rating: Gordon Banks

Churchy: solid and dependable as ever, Churchy showed his normal strength in the tackle and his excellent passing was on show once more. Always as a high work rate and often goes without the credit he deserves despite being such an essential member of St Paul's team. Rating: Paul Scholes

Roy: loves to get stuck in and gave all the attackers he faced a real headache (they would have felt it the next day). Roy battled hard and never gave up on anything, like a terrier always snapping at someone's heels allowing them no time on the ball. His distribution has improved no end as Roy has established himself as first choice left back in the 11aSide squad. A great performance. Rating: Stuart Pearce

Phil: rock solid and as imposing as an Israeli Border point. Brought a steadying presence to the defence when they were under pressure early in the first game and never looked back, organising, shouting, tackling, blocking and winning everything that cam his way, Phil quite simply immense. Rating: Phil Jagielka

Matt Y: struggled to impose himself at centre back before being replaced by Phil. Did better at right-back but went missing in the knockout stages. Needs to improve going forward and also looks like he could do with losing a stone or two. Tried hard. Rating: Kenny Sansom.

Will: played most of the tournament at left-back and was quality. Great tackling and passing as you would expect from Will as well as his usual flashes of outstanding skill. Unlucky not to get on the scoresheet against Gateway when a great shot flashed wide. One of the first names on the teamsheet everytime, Will had a great tournament. Rating: Roberto Carlos

Tom: worked harder than an entire Mississippi chain gang, Tom was awesome in midfield. Loves a battle and not afraid to put the boot in but also has the skill and deft touch of a quality player. Tom scored a great goal and took a fantastic penalty, showing real nerve to step up to take one. St Paul's captain and a real character , looking forward to seeing Tom in the league team next season. Rating: Zidane

Matt H: St Paul's Player Of The Tournament and was quality throughout. Has a great awareness and touch and loves to run at the opposition. A relatively new player in the team but has settled in as if he's been around for years. Scored two great goals and ran himself into the ground. Matt is one of those players that can make things happen and it's going to be great seeing him in the 11aSide team. His first test? Buy a kit for St Paul's that is a colour that won't upset Pretty Boy. Rating: Lionel Messi

Kerron: Fought for every ball upfront and gave a great “target man's” performance. Was unlucky not to get a clear sight of goal but showed some great skill, especially with a nice run against Gateway where he beat most of their team before being crowed out. Has battled back from a broken leg and is perhaps not yet a 100% fit. Sure to be a very important player in the coming league campaign. Rating: Luther Blissett

Ed: like Kerron Ed fought hard upfront and kept the opposition on their toes. Never seems to be phased by anything and is improving all the time. Ed has become a main part of the 7aSide squad and seems to be destined to be an equally important part of the league team. Has a great shot and nice passing ability but is also strong in the tackle and fearless. Top drawer. Rating: Marco Van Basten

Simon “Pretty Boy” Bissett: masterminded St Paul's journey from (literally) Energise to the final. Along with captain Tom came up with the new “Christmas Tree” formation for the team and it worked well. Showed great judgement bringing Phil on when he did and moving Will to left-back and also used the subs well throughout the day. Would have been playing if not for his injury, but did a fantastic job from the touchline and even found time to sneak of for a cheeky pint. Would make an excellent manager for the league team but it too important a player. Unlucky not to lead us to our first silverware. Rating: Bobby Robson (although having subsequently led us to our first victory against the Baptists in our 7aSide series, this is in danger of becoming “The Special One”).