Match Report: Wednesday 1st September

Woody's Team 2
Phil's Team 5

Woody's Team: Woody, Matt, Jonny, Ed, Chris, Shaun, Jason, Andy T, Barry
Phil's Team: Phil, Carbs, Churchy, Kev, Tom W, Rich, Jonni

It may have only been the first day of September but the nights are definitely drawing in and I had to contemplate cycling to football with my lights on (decided against it, it runs the batteries down). It was a good turnout and it was great to see Woody and Carbs both return after long absences and Phil came down (despite his wife stealing his car) after a break of a few weeks. Still a lot of regulars missing and I'm starting to wonder if it's something I said?

The game kicked off and Woody started strongly - moaning that is! "Why do you do kick-ins? They're for girls! Why have you changed the price? That's daft! Why did you pick these teams? They're rubbish! Where is everyone who used to come? Why is Oaklands called Energise?" (to be fair, he had some valid points). All I could think to say was "Why are you wearing the smallest pair of shorts ever seen on a football pitch?" (scary sight). It was great to have him back though and was amusing watching the lads who'd never played with him before react to him "coaching" them throughout the game.

In reality it was Phil's team that started the stronger and the combination of the Church brothers, Jonni and Carbs was proving difficult for Woody's team to deal with and Jonni opened the scoring with a great finish past Jason. Phil's team were so on top that Phil was able to amble around in defence mopping up the occasional attack and simply encouraging his team. At this point Matt swapped teams and it wasn't long before he had a big impact... unfortunately it was giving away a penalty by performing the stupidest of handballs. Having run back to try and defend Matt saved a shot with his hand, even though the shot was going about 5 foot over the bar. Carbs dispatched the penalty with the ruthless efficiency of a Russian assassin and it was 2-0.

Desperate to make up for his stupidity Matt went upfront and after a nice ball from Woody, Matt produced an excellent turn which beat two defenders, some nice close control and a quick run and he was in the box looking odds on to score a great goal. However, Phil, in goal, had other ideas and drawing on all his powers as a mathematician rushed out at lightening speed and narrowed all the angles (Phil would say "Applied Riemannian geometry in a non-Euclidean metric to ascertain the most likely point of angular separation in a three-dimensional plane as a body of obese mass approached, using impulse momentum theorem." - he's blast at parties), Matt tried to slip the ball past him, but Phil made a great save and the score remained 2-0. That is the power of maths!

Carbs and Churchy were on fire and Churchy was bombing forward at every opportunity with Carbs making some excellent runs and displaying some exquisite control. At one point Phil hit a long ball towards Carbs and immediately went "ahrrgh, sorry Carbs" thinking he'd miss hit the pass but Carbs used his Peter Crouch style legs to effortlessly pluck the ball out of the air and he made the pass look excellent. A great ball through the middle from Churchy found Carbs and he ran at Matt twisting and turning and then unleashed an unstoppable shot into the bottom corner - a quality finished and 3-0.

Woody's team had been attacking and creating chances but they just couldn't seem to finish. Kev, Phil and Churchy all made good saves, then Matt skinned Phil with a nice run but his shot was poor and Jonni saved with his feet. Woody sent in a peach of a ball for Matt who got his head to the ball but, again, Jonni saved. A lovely run from Jonny and a nice pass set Jason up but his shot hit the post. Woody showed some amazing footwork to beat two players and create space for a shot, but his shot was too high. Someone (Chris I think) hit a great shot which beat the keeper but Jonni was on the line and cleared (the ball hit the bar but stayed out). Shaun and Ed both had half chances but it looked like Woody's team would never score. Phil, Kev and Rich were playing really well in defence and Tom W was tackling anything that moved. To make matters worse another good move and quick break from Phil's team led to Carbs grabbing his hat-trick and it was 4-0.

Then the goal finally came, Woody picked the ball up deep and a nice passing move ended with a great ball out to Andy T on the left wing and Andy ran onto the ball and smashed it into the roof of the net - a really nice goal and fully deserved.

Phil's team were showing no mercy though and were chasing more goals. Jonny had to make about 5 great saves in a row and then when Chris went in goal he saved well from Carbs (a great long range curler) and from Kev (Kev was unlucky after winning the ball in defence and starting the move, he got on the end of a great passing move and only a great save stopped him getting the goal he deserved). Then a beautiful pass from Churchy split the defence and found Phil who let fly with a brilliant long range volley which dipped into the top corner. Great goal and 4-1.

Matt went in for a ball in the corner and ended up twisting his ankle. A girly screech rang out around Oaklands and Matt crawled off the pitch like Dale Winton if he'd been punched by Frank Bruno. An ice pack was ordered and an accident form duly filled out... Matt is such a drama queen!

Anyway, while Matt was off the pitch, Chris pulled a goal back to make it 5-2 and Phil would like it noted that he could have "taken out" Jonny but decided to play fairly. News just in is that Phil had to go to hospital to have his toe checked out after fulfilling every St Paul's footballer's dreams... kicking Jonny.

So, that was that, time was called on a thoroughly engrossing and great game of football.

Goal Of The Week: Carbs scored a really nice goal as did Andy, but Phil's volley was inch perfect and struck with a lot of skill, also the pass from Churchy was sublime. Great goal Phil.

Player of the Week: Some top class performances this week. Woody was brilliant and has lost none of his skill or enthusiasm. Tom W had an exceptional debut and looks like he's a great player. Kev Church was awesome again (he's having a great season), Rich Church was brilliant, Ed just gets better and better (still needs a haircut though), Phil had a storming return, some great saves and a fabulous goal. Jonni and Rich were great in defence. Jonny W was so close to POTW, he had a great game, he still has his trademark silky runs but now releases the ball a bit earlier and causes the opposition some real headaches, add to that his great spell in goal and the fact he put in a great shift in defence and you have a POTW performance. If it hadn't been for Carbs. What a return! His hat-trick was good but only tells a fraction of the story. His control was perfect and his runs mesmerizing. He said he was playing for his place in the 11-a-side, well, it can hardly be in doubt after a magnificent performance. Like a cross between Rooney, Matt Le Tissier and Stretch Armstrong Carbs spent 60 minutes terrorising Woody's team and deserved his hat-trick and also his POTW, at times he made Dimitar Berbatov look like a clumsy cartoon clown that can't hit barn door. Well done Carbs, great game.