Match Report: Wednesday 12th May

Sam's Team 5

Tom's Team 3

Sam's Team: Sam, Simon B, Jason F, Dave C, Gavin, Andy T, Rich C, Kev, Steve J, Mr X, Tuvvy

Tom's Team: Tom, Matt, Steve G, Buncey, Jason Norwich, Shorty, Will, Simon J, Roy

It was a great evening for a kick-about, the summer is definitely starting to kick in and we had Matt, Tom and Steve G back. Phil is still out injured and I guess Kerron just didn't fancy it this time. Just realised Sam's team had an extra 2 players - no wonder Simon B had a smirk on that said he knew a secret no-one else did (i.e. how to count). With Tom back and in charge of picking the starting 11 for the game on the 5th June, everyone wanted to put in a top drawer performance.

Sam's team started on the front foot and they had an imposing forward line of Tuvvy, Gavin, Mr X with Andy, Jason F and Dave C supporting from midfield. With Tom starting between the sticks, his defence consisted of the steel-shined Roy Gibson, cool but deadly Steve Gagg and Matt and they were under a lot of pressure. Dave had a thunderous drive from just outside the area that flew inches over the bar, Tom did well to get out of the way because he would have lost a hand trying to stop that one.

Finally, the pressure paid off when a shot came in low and fast from Sam's team and was destined for the bottom corner. However, Matt had placed himself at the back post and this was his chance for glory - a chance to perform a simply out-of-this-world last ditch clearance off the line that was so good Alan Hansen would wet himself with joy. Sadly though, Matt sliced the ball into the back of his own net. Alan Hansen would have mocked him with a sardonic, monotone Scottish voice and explained about "playing percentages". Matt lay in the six yard box, head in hands like a kind of monstrous Emo-Whale.

Tuuvy added a second soon afterwards flicking the ball into the bottom corner after a low cross. It was a

really nice goal and Tuvvy is on fire at the moment with, I think, 6 in 3 games. He is relishing the

"Emile Heskey but with goals" role he has developed over the last month or so. If he can get 5 more goals

in his next 3 games, I'll buy him a beer.

Two soon became three when Gavin, who had been playing well on the right wing, scored from close range.

Then a nightmare backpass from Matt to Steve G led to an almighty scramble and the ball pinged around off all

sorts of appendages before finally being hacked clear by Roy, lucky for Matt that Roy was in no mood to be

charitable and was having a fantastic game in defence.

Tom's team were struggling to get a clear sight of goal and although Will, Buncey, Simon J and Shorty were all linking well and displaying some excellent passing, there didn't seem to be a way past the wall-like defence of Sam, Simon B and Steve J. With Andy charging up and down the left like a proper wingback and Jason F putting in some great tackles Tom's team were reduced to long range efforts and trying to cross the ball in from deep. Will had a couple of good efforts but found Kev Church in great form in goal - Kev made one brilliant double save. Then he was replaced by Sam who also had a great game in goal. Simon B was loving it and after about 30 mins was starting to sense the first ever clean sheet was in sight.

Then Mr X broke on the left a fired a shot across goal but Matt dived full stretch and tipped it out for a

corner. The corner led to a bit of a scramble and the ball eventually fell to Steve J who tried his luck

from distance but Matt dived again and punched the ball away. Two good saves and it was time to swap

keepers (quit while you're ahead).

Tom broke through and the ball dropped to him on the left side of the area "ahhh, my left foot" he shouted

but still managed to get a decent shot away that went just wide of the right hand post. Buncey had a

curling and dipping shot from distance bit it didn't trouble the keeper. Then Roy burst out of defence and hit

a great shot from about 25 yards, but it just drifted wide. Would Tom's team ever score?

Then finally, Tom's team got the break through. Matt won a header on the left and Will picked the ball up and curled a great shot in off the post. Relief all round for Tom's team who had started to worry about the embarrassment of not scoring. Simon B was gutted and decided to try his hand up front.

In a moment of pure class, Andy T kept the ball in on the left and in the same movement turned spreading

the ball to the opposite side of the pitch straight to Gavin's feet, setting him through on goal. It was a

pass that was so good Tuvvy couldn't contain himself and burst into a fit of, what can only be described

as, maniacal laughter, like an insane jack-in-the-box clown. I was convinced he was going to pull an axe

out and bury it into someone's head whilst giggling and saying "the voices, they like the red water". Erm,

anyway, it was a good pass.

A good run and a bit of trickery on the left from Tom led to him shooting low across goal and the ball nestled snugly in the bottom corner - he'd scored with his left foot!

Jason Norwich was having a blinder in defence and was winning absolutely everything in the air. Steve Gagg was also rock solid. Steve remains calm and assured when defending, preferring the intelligent pass out to feet rather than the panic stricken hoof up the pitch. He's a great passer and has a football brain the size of a small city. Disguising himself as Louis Theroux he seems to pop up and find space where there didn't appear to be any, Steve was the puppet master in Tom's team and had an outstanding game. However, despite a great back line (that included an on fire Roy) Gavin grabbed a second and Mr X got on the score sheet and it was 5-2.

Dave went on a run and Matt dived in late and was lucky that Dave skipped over the challenge or we could have had another player in hospital, an awful challenge and a yellow card. Then Kev decided to get in on the action and took a wild swing at Matt and although Matt skipped round the challenge a free kick was awarded. I say "skipped around" but it was more like watching the Pillsbury dough boy fall down a lift shaft.

Rich C who'd been having a fantastic game in the left, cleared the ball out of defence and it hit Matt (who was about 2 yards away) and bounced up into his hand - free kick. "Why was that a free kick and not the one that happened in the penalty area a few moments ago?" cried half of Sam's team. That's is life my friends, it's a savage garden out there. A savage garden.

Matt got a sight of goal from distance and tried to curl one in, but Steve J got in a great last second

bloke and it took all the pace off the ball and the keeper easily plucked the ball out of the air. Then Tuvvy had a shot that went agonisingly close and shaved paint off the post before Will pulled another back with a great finish. Steve J then went on a brilliant mazy run before being expertly hacked down by Roy about 4 millimetres outside the box. Time was called but Steve simply called back "Time for what?" and then took the free kick, but it came to nothing and the game ended 5-3.

So, a good game and although it threatened at times to be completely lopsided on closer inspection it was actually reasonably even. A bit like Lembit Opik's face then.

Goal Of The Week: I am tempted to pick Will's first, not only because of the relief that we'd got on the score sheet, but it was a great finish. However, this week Tuvvy wins goal of the week. I thought his finish was exquisite - a real striker's goal. Tuvvy is having a great season and seems to have found his preferred position. Tuvvy's a kind of cross between Brian Blessed and the Honey Monster with the eye for goal of Alan Shearer. Great finish Tuvvy.

Player Of The Week: Lots of good performances again. Both Steves were fantastic, Jason Norwich, Roy and Simon B were all excellent in defence. Both Church brothers played really well. Will, Buncey and Simon J were full of their usually trickery. Tuvvy was a great target man again and Andy was everywhere making some great tackles. Sam was exceptional again in defence, I don't think anything got past him all night and he was immensely frustrating to play against. Sam just seems to get better and better and on another day would have walked away with the POTW award. However, Dave was in scintillating form last night and didn't put a foot wrong. He made a countless number of great tackles and won almost everything in the middle of the park. He broke up loads of Tom's team's attacks and started numerous counter attacks. He also had a couple of really good efforts on goal and was unfortunate not to get on the scoresheet. How did Capello overlook Dave? Being tackled by Dave is like being enveloped in the arms of your ex for the last time, it should hurt, but just leaves you confused and feeling like something (in this case, the ball) is missing. Trying to tackle him is like trying to stop a train with your face - he's just rock hard. Like Jaws in Moonraker he's a bit of a gentle giant really, kinda like a rhino crossed with Jean Claude Van Damme and Joe Cole with the tackling ability of Nemanja Vidic and the sensitivity of Gazza. Great game Dave, surely first name on the team sheet for the 5th June now?