Match Report: Wednesday 19th May

Roy's Team 6
Dave's Team 3

Roy's team: Roy, Matt, Kev, Simon J, Andy T, Paul, Gavin, Steve G, Buncey
Dave's Team: Dave, Simon B, Jason Norwich, Jason F, Will, Steve J, Rich C, Sam, Tuvvy

A glorious evening for a game of footy and after Matt's terrible maths last week, Phil McBride turned up just to count the teams and make sure they were even this time round. I thought he might stay to watch, but I think he's missing the game so much it would have been like watching the school bully kiss your girlfriend so, job done, he went home to put his feet up, crack open a beer and tinker with Pythagoras theorem.

Roy's team started at a blistering pace with Buncey, Gavin, Steve G, Paul and Steve J running riot and they were soon four up with goals from Roy (deflected in off his backside after chasing down a clearance) and I think Gavin and Steve J. Even Kev Church was displaying Messi-like skill, beating two players on the wing and crossing the ball in. Buncey showed his normal composed skill and got himself some space after a nice run, but his shot drifted wide. Things needed changing, so Simon B picked Steve J to swap sides and then Jason Norwich and Simon J turned up with Jason joining Dave's team and Simon J Roy's. This changed the complexion of the game and suddenly Roy's team found themselves hemmed back and defending by the skin of their teeth. A number of long balls to Simon B were headed clear by Matt and Kev and Simon B commented that he "doesn't do headers" - a comment that turned out to be a little lie (more on that later). Also, alarmingly he told me that he had Rory Fallon at home. Knowing Simon B to be a somewhat fanatical Argyle fan, I thought he'd finally gone bonkers and actually kidnapped New Zealand's World Cup hero, perhaps as punishment for only getting a meagre 5 goals in Argyle's unsuccessful bid to avoid the drop. Thankfully, it turned out he (along with Phil McBride and Steve Sav) is just collecting football stickers, which is nice, after all a lad needs a hobby.

Steve J and Will were linking up brilliantly and a long range pile-driver from Will was deflected out for a corner by Matt who was foolish enough to get his head in the way - ouch! Tuvvy was battling away upfront like normal and in one attack, turned and released an exquisite volley with the outside of his boot - it dipped and curved but it went just wide and the keeper had looked beaten too - unlucky. Dave's team had a number of corners and kick-ins (at one point there were about five in a row) but Roy's defence held firm, and also had a bit of luck with one clearance from Kev hitting Matt on the knee and going out for a corner, just inches wide of the post. Kev also made a good save down at his near post and Simon B broke on the right and hit a shot wide when he will have been disappointed not to have hit the target. Just when the danger seemed to have past, Steve J got the ball on the right and let fly with a perfect volley which curled and dipped into the top corner. Awesome! That made the score 4-1 and, once again, a possible clean sheet was lost.

Will, in goal, booted the ball the full length of the pitch to Simon B on the left wing, he displayed outstanding control to bring the ball down and start and attack and Kev Church had to be alert to make the save. A few moments later Will tried the same, but this time his kick was a bit wayward, however, Simon B pulled off a fantastic header to keep the ball in and find one of his team mates - so he does head the ball when required! Later on, he even kept one in with his backside - if you can imagine a hot air balloon cushioning a golf ball, you'll be somewhere near. Simon B had been playing well but, like Tuvvy, hadn't really had a clear site of goal. One attack led to a looping shot (I think from Tuvvy or Tom) that beat the keeper but Buncey was on the line to acrobatically hook the ball away - great defending again from Roy's team.

Roy's team were breaking out occasionally and managing a few decent attacks. Simon J in particular seemed to be everywhere and with Andy T expertly breaking up many of Dave's team's attacks Roy's team were getting back in the game. Buncey and Simon J displayed some awesome passing and moving and the close control was excellent. However, Sam, Dave, Tom and Jason Norwich were in no mood to let anything by them and with Roy, Steve G, Matt and Kev kept busy with Simon B, Will, Steve J, Rich C and Jason F there wasn't much support from midfield. One great corner from Buncey saw Gavin volley against the bar - so close! The pressure paid off though and Simon J bagged another goal to make the score 6-1 and Roy's team were surely home and dry. Steve Gagg put a powerful shot over the bar - and over the fence and not to be outdone Tom blasted one onto the school roof. Paul, who had been having a solid game was doing well linking defence and attack and had a great effort tipped wide by Tuvvy in goal. It was good to see Paul back and he had a great game, some of his passing was excellent.

Will had a rasping volley from outside the box that flew past Kev's head and seemed destined for the top corner. Matt, in goal, saw it late, but in a scene resembling a promotional video for "Fat Fighters", he managed to stick out a chubby arm and get his sausage-like fingers to the ball to deflect it wide. If a butterfly flapping it's wings can cause an earthquake I dread to think what happened somewhere when Matt landed after that dive! Soon after, Matt saved from Steve J after Steve had got clear on the left and cut inside to shoot, then he saved again from Steve J when he tried his luck from outside the box, however, the ball fell to Dave who made no mistake with the rebound and he pulled one back to make it 6-2. Some great crosses were coming in from Tom, Jason Norwich and Steve J but they just wouldn't fall nicely for Simon B or Jason F. Then Jason F robbed Matt in defence and nearly got a shot away, fortunately for Matt he recovered in time to get a block in. Then a brilliant cross found Sam at the back post but he couldn't quite connect and he deflected the ball away from the waiting Simon B.

Steve J went on one of his trademark runs and chipped the ball over Matt in goal - a perfect cross to the back post were Simon B was waiting to head in off the post (again, proof he will head the ball when he fancies it). Simon just looked at Matt and said "Goal Of The Week". It turned out to be the last touch of the game as "Time!" was called and the match ended 6-3 to Roy's team who will be grateful they raced into a four goal lead (after swapping teams around the final score would have been 3-2 to Dave's team and Simon B would be impossible if he'd got the winner with the last touch of the match!).

Goal Of The Week: Whatever Simon says about his header (which admittedly was a nice goal) even he won't be able to argue with this week's winner. Steve J's volley from miles out. Hit with the outside of his boot (my notes say "outside of the boat" but I think that is a typo) it dipped and curled past the keeper at a time in the game where Dave's team must have been wondering if they would get on the score sheet at all. A thing of beauty, it was more Goal Of The Decade than Goal Of The Week - an exceptional finish and just goes to show what a great player Steve is.

Player Of The Week: Good games from Steve Gagg (unflappable again), Buncey (tireless running and great skill), Simon B (nice control and a nightmare for Roy's defence), Kev (brilliant game everywhere on the pitch), Will (bags of skill) and Roy (steely defending once again). However, two guys stood out more than the rest and that was Steve J and Simon J. Steve is an exceptional player and always has a good game, but after being heavily involved in getting Roy's team 4-0 up he had to swap teams and try and claw the goals back. On another day, with a bit more luck, Dave's team would have managed it as well. Great game Steve and a class goal. This week's POTW though goes to Simon J - he was everywhere. I lost count of the number of tackles and defensive interceptions he made and he also grabbed a couple of goals. I think he and Buncey relish playing together as they have a similar ability to control the ball when there seems to be no space - some of their attacks were a joy to watch. Simon always seems to be available for a pass or to be in just the right place to intercept an attack and is obviously someone who can read the game really well. Like a cross between Michael Carrick, Harry Kewell and Rio Ferdinand with a hint of the Milky Bar Kid thrown in for good measure, Simon is unplayable when he's in the mood. A great game Simon, well done.

Tuvvy Watch: Tuvvy was unfortunate not to get on the score sheet this week. That leaves him only two games in which to get five goals and Matt's pint is looking safe. If only that volley had gone in!