Match Report: Wednesday 9th June

Tom's Team: 6
Phil's Team: 10

Tom's Team: Tom, Kev, Paul, Andy, Dave, Kendall, Simon J and Simon B
Phil's Team: Phil, Matt, Rich C, Buncey, Will, Sam, Gavin and Simon B

A grey, overcast evening at Oaklands but the threatened rain never arrived and it was pretty good conditions for a kick-about. Phil was back for his first game with us since the 11-a-side against Chambers and he was raring to go, fresh from a hat-trick on Monday, he looked as excited as Vanessa Feltz in a bun factory.

Tom picked the teams and we kicked off with Phil's team kicking towards the school. Phil was out of the blocks like Usain Bolt and had his name on the scoresheet before you could say "What dodgy knees?" - a nice one-two in a crowded goal area and Phil slammed the ball home giving Tom no chance in goal. With a player extra Phil's team were really dominating the play and Buncey was practically salivating over the amount of space he was finding - together with Will, Gavin and Rich Church he was tearing the opposition to pieces. With Simon B supporting from the wing, it was all Phil's team attacking. A scintillating move saw Will find Simon B with a pin point-pass, Simon delivered a perfect low cross and Matt arrived at the back post and tapped home to claim goal of the week early in the game. What? Oh Ok, Matt arrived at the back post and contrived to hit said post from about 2 yards out with the ball going out for a goal kick. Like Diana Ross in the opening ceremony of USA 94 it was a shot that defied logic - it was IMPOSSIBLE to miss and yet, somehow, Matt managed it. Hands on hips Matt glanced to the heavens, but no explanation was forthcoming and Simon B's mocking laughter rang around the Oaklands turf.

Another goal from Phil after a nice one-two with Buncey and one from Will and Gavin made it 4-0 and Phil's team let their mind drift towards double figures. However, Tom's team started to fight back and a nice break found Andy on the left wing and his lobbed cross was volleyed past Rich C by Paul. 4-1. Another nice attack from Phil's team ended when the ball fell to Matt after a scramble. With the keeper nowhere to be seen and the defence wrong-footed, Matt simply had to hit the target. Once again, however, he contrived to miss from 4 yards when it seemed harder to miss than score and once again Simon B's laughter echoed in his ears. Sometimes, it is better to just stay in defence. Then, at the other end, Kev, who had been playing well again, found himself in the area, the ball had ballooned into the air, but Kev displayed exquisite control to bring the ball down, jink past the last defender and smash the ball past the keeper with a shot that nearly ripped the net off the goal. Perhaps overconfidence had effected Phil's team?

It was about halfway through the game so Simon B swapped teams to give Tom's team the extra player and the pressure was kept on Phil's defence. Simon B found space out wide and laid a lovely ball off for Simon J on the edge of the area and he found the net despite a last ditch dive from both Matt and Sam, 4-2 and the fightback was on. Dave, Tom, Simon J and Kev were linking well and causing the opposition defence lots of problems and with Kendall, Paul and Simon B always available out wide it took good defending from Phil on a number of occasions to halt an attack at a vital moment. Indeed, such was Phil's team's love of attacking he was often left with only Sam and the overweight, donkey footed Matt to help him defend which made all his tackles all the more important. Simon B was proving a valuable outlet for Tom's team and Kendall was getting more into the game and the increased pressure led to a couple more goals. Then Tom dilly dallied in defence, messing around waiting for the ball to go out, but Matt got a chubby foot to the ball and found Rich Church who, from the tighest of angles, wrong footed everyone and slotted home with the outside of his left foot - a great goal. Will then crashed a fantastic effort against the crossbar - if Kev got a hand to that then it was an awesome save.

Sam had been having his usual solid game at right back and was unfortunate when, whilst challenging Andy, the ball ricocheted off Andy's toe and slammed into Sam's nose sending his glasses flying through the air. Sam sat out for a couple of minutes and had only been back on the pitch for a few moments when practically the same thing happened again. It would be rude to laugh... but we all did anyway and Sam looked like he'd done a few rounds with Ivan Drago and was left looking like a cross between Iain Dowie and a butcher's dog.

Then the lights went out.

The game continued in the kind of half-light you would find in a seedy bar but the gloom was illuminated by a moment of magic from everyone's favorite maths teacher. From a corner on the right, Gavin found Phil as he charge forward and he let fly with a great shot that went like a rocket into the bottom corner. Paul, in goal, was unsighted but it doesn't take anything away from what a great strike it was. Then Matt finally got something right - a great cross from Will found him unmarked at the back post and he cushioned a nice header towards the far side of the goal. However, Paul dived to his right and tipped the ball away with his outstretched arm - a great save. Will was playing brilliantly and after a break out of defence, laid a lovely ball off to Matt. Buncey had made a well timed run and Matt knocked the ball into his path and Buncey grabbed his second of the game with a calm finish. There was still time for Dave to miss a sitter after Simon B had squared the ball to him and, after great work from Andy, Kendall grabbed a goal with the last kick of the game.

All in all and enjoyable game with more attacking than defending and was nice to see Rich Church back on the scoresheet.

Goal Of The Week: Special mention for Phil's goal (which he claims was like Vasili Rats goal for USSR against France in Mexico 86!!!). However, Paul wins GOTW this week with a beauty! He volleyed past Rich Church with a coolness reminisent of Clint Eastwood in "The Good, The Bad and the Ugly" - an absolutely ruthless finish that Van Basten would have been proud of. Great goal Paul.

Player Of The Week: Will was magnificent again, linking well with Gavin and Buncey and grabbing a couple of nice goals. Rich Church put in a great performance, and probably, for the first time in a while, outdid his brother who also had an excellent game. For Tom's team Dave and both Simons stood out as did Paul who seems to get better each game. It would be hard not to give POTW to Phil McBride though. The enforced rest has done wonders and he looked like a new player - just like Maradona at USA 94 (although there was no way I was asking for a urine sample). A hat-trick and a whisker away from claiming goal of the week- Phil had a good attacking game but it was in defence where he excelled. He was already fired up, but when Simon Bissett swapped teams, Phil had an extra gleam in his eye and nothing got past him. Often abandoned in defence as his team went glory hunting up the pitch, Phil kept Tom's team at bay single handedly at times and he made it look easy, like Phil Jagielka tackling a blindfolded Heather Mills. He's obviously had time to reflect whilst he's been injured because he didn't shout and bark orders to get back and help him he just calmly mopped up every attack, like Hong Kong Phooey crossed with Keanu Reeves in Point Break. Like a trustworthy and likeable John Terry with the silky defensive play of Ashley Cole a hint of the looks of Steve Ogrizovic and Phil Neville - Phil is the perfect centre back. He's not too bad when he ventures over the half-way line either. Great game Phil, but can your knees keep up this level of performance?

You can see that Rats goal below