Match Report: Wednesday 23rd June

Paul's Team 9
Kev's Team 8

Paul's Team: Paul, Dave, Phil, Rich C, Will, Steve J, Sam, Jason F
Kev's Team: Kev, Matt, Buncey, Tom, Dave C, Andy, Kendall, Simon B, Tuvvy

Job 1? Get England through to next round - done. Job 2? Play footy. Number of abusive shouts from Acomb's finest due to wearing Everton top whilst cycling to footy? 2 (although, on one of those occasions I was called "Chelsea scum").

We had a good turnout, especially considering Simon had drunk his own body weight in ale beforehand (yes, that is A LOT of ale). Phil and Simon eyed each other up like Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee - "I ain't goin' on McBride's team" Simon announced in his own unique Devonshire drawl. There was a debut for Dave but we were missing Steve G, Roy and the long term injured duo of Brett and Kerron. Good news on Kerron is that he is back at work and can surely only be a couple of weeks away from a comeback.

Tuvvy was back and needed four goals to win his bet with Matt and win a pint. Matt smiled smugly to himself knowing his money was going nowhere.

We kicked off and Paul's team came roaring out of the blocks and Phil (who was particularly fired-up), Will and Rich Church passed and ran around and through the bewildered defence of Kev's team and it wasn't long before Will had put them 1-0 up with a nice finish past Matt. 1 soon became 2 and Simon B was forced to drop back to help Tom in defence. Phil announced that he was bored playing in defence so had decided to spend a game attacking for a change. Although he was playing really well, he was winding himself up by getting frustrated with every tiny mistake (of which there were hardly any). This led Phil to go on one of his trademark I'm-angry-so-you'd-better-not-get-in-my-way-or-there-will-be-trouble runs. He beat a few players (including Matt twice!) before Matt finally managed to get a foot to the ball to tackle him, however the ball broke to an attacker who found Will and Will slotted home calmly. Phil celebrated angrily. Kev's team were attacking as well though and Andy had been unlucky when a nice chip beat the keeper but clipped the top of the bar. Buncey, Kev and Dave C were doing well in midfield and some pressure led to a corner. Dave C sent in a beautiful ball and Tuvvy found space in the box and headed home. Matt joked about him getting three more (ha, yeah, as if!). Shortly afterwards Dave C made a good tackle in midfield and the ball broke to him nicely, he looked up and hit an absolute rocket into the top corner! Paul did well to get a hand to it but there was no stopping that shot.

Other Dave was having a good debut and looks to be a pretty decent player. With him, Steve J, Will, Churchy and Phil linking up there were plenty of goal scoring chances being created. Tom made a number of good saves and a couple of easy ones that he made look good - I think he was still trying to impress the Hockey Girls (Tom dude, they haven't been there for weeks!). Rich Church was back on form and was having a blinder on the left wing. In one moment of brilliance (having switched to the right wing) he turned Matt, leaving him rooted to the spot like a sculpture of a sumo. Not long after he picked the ball up on the left and from a tight angle smacked the ball past the keeper to claim a deserved goal. Buncey and Kendall were having a blast running at the opposition and Phil dropped back into defence to help Sam out - those two were like a rock and for all their possession Kev's team were struggling to fashion chances for Simon B and Tuvvy. However, goals did come. Tom scored a cracker from distance and Tuvvy somehow grabbed a couple to move within 1 goal of winning his bet. Buncey and Kev had half-chances but the ball just wouldn't fall for them.

At the other end, Steve J and Will were still causing problems and Will seemed to be scoring for fun. Kev's defence seemed to be more and more thinly spread and Steve J got a goal or two. Simon was screaming at the defence but they seemed to have vanished like they were part of some eerie David Blaine trick. Matt was lumbering around looking like a man who'd polished off two family buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken and a ditch of chips and his attempts at defending made him look like a one-legged man in an arse kicking competition. A long punt up field bounced just outside the area and it was Tuvvy versus the keeper, Tuvvy got a head to the ball but it hit the top of the crossbar and bounced over. So close to grabbing his fourth.
Jason F had made a few good saves but finally Tuvvy got the break he needed and he smashed the ball triumphantly past the keeper to win the bet. Four goals in one game. Well Done Tuvvy. Matt asked him if he was an ale or lager man. Tuvvy replied that he will "drink anything". Turps it is then.

Tuvvy then went in goal and someone (Will, I think) smashed a brilliant shot which Tuvvy just let in announcing "I wasn't going to get in the way of that." Must remember to explain that that is the whole point of a goal keeper next time! Even with Tuvvy's four goals Paul's team proved a bit too strong for Kev's team and they ended up 9-8 winners. When you consider that they were a man down for most of the game, that deserves a round of applause. Well played guys. It was a much better game than the mess of last week and let's hope the quality continues.

Goal Of The Week: Another classic that seems to happen regularly under the Oaklands lights. No, not Tom's thunderbolt or Dave's bullet like smash into the top corner. A totally different kettle of fish. An attack from Kev's team ended with an angled ball into the box, but there weren't any strikers anywhere near it and the danger seemed to have melted away. Enter Phil McBride. Defending at the back post, Phil opted to knock the ball out for a corner, a simple flick with the outside of his right foot would have done the trick. However, surprisingly, for the head of a maths department, Phil got his angles all wrong and belted the ball into the roof of his own net from a couple of yards out. There was a moment of shocked silence followed by gleeful laughter. Phil looked like a man who, upon looking for his signed Bobby Moore England top from 1966, was informed by his mother-in-law "What? That old thing? I threw it out weeks ago." It wasn't a pretty sight.

Player Of The Week: There was a lot going on in this match, 17 goals and bags of chances. It's probably not surprising that, with the exception of Sam (who was his normal solid, dependable self) the standout players are attackers. Rich Church was excellent and, although Kev played really well, Rich probably just outdid him this week. Buncey was brilliant and continues to show some exquisite skills. Phil was far too hard on himself and had a really good game. Tuvvy got four goals which is outstanding and Dave had a great debut. It is hard to separate Steve J and Will - they are both fantastic players and recently you could argue that Steve has had the upper hand. However, Will played a blinder last night and was simply sublime. From the first minute to the last he terrorized Kev's team. He scored at hatful of goals but it was his all round game that was so impressive. Bringing players into the game by spreading the ball wide, neat one-twos and countless dangerous runs - he was on fire and a complete nightmare to try and defend against. Will never has a bad game, but last night he made Lionel Messi look like Lionel Blair. Dodgy earrings aside, you just have to admire the bloke really. Well played Will.