Woody's Colours: 0
Bibs – Matt, Simon, Sam, Dave, Jonny, Ed, Roy, Buncey
Colours – Woody, Brett, Phil, Rich C, Kev, Rich, Shaun, Jason, Towney
If a week is a long time in politics, 4 days was an eternity in St Pauls football…and this game came right from the deepest darkest corner of eternity. If it had been a boxing match it would’ve been called “The fight where no punch was landed”; in golfing terms we’d still be on the first having either failed to hit the ball or lost it or buried it in a bunker…you get the point: it was like a new born baby – toothless.
After the heroic defeat on Saturday, a number of that squad turned up to demonstrate the skills and effort they had put into the game; a large number of players were missing, Will, Big Dave, Tuvvy, Steves Sav Gagg and J, not to mention the Morrisons crew of Gavin, Jason et al. Brett picked sides, and off we went. Phil was fired-up and looking for blood as Matt had dared to take the mickey out of his beloved Sheffield Utd's sacred song about chip butties. [I won't be doing that again! - Matt]
It was Dave and Ed who began the brightest for bibs, setting up most of their attacking moves. Freed from right back, Jonny pushed forward, and freed from left back, Roy pushed up front. Brett, new Rich, Kev and Phil defended well and managed to mop up most of the danger, but the outlet passes just weren’t happening for colours and the ball kept coming back at them. I would like to say that Woody pulled off save after save in net but to be honest, he never got a sniff.
Then a controversial moment in the opening exchanges. Matt Young picked the ball up 15 yards out and ghosted past Phil. His acceleration took him clear but suddenly he stopped and fell to the ground like a Spanish midfielder including with the three point roll and gesture. The cause may have been Phil’s reaction of grabbing a small amount of Matt’s bib (and shirt, training top and pound of flesh). Bibs were up in arms – a clear goal scoring chance denied. Strangely, non-one called for Phil to be sent off for 5 minutes and the game continued with a free kick.
Simon quickly called keeper change and keen to score the opener, he pushed onto the front line to exact revenge. All this actually did was free up space in his own defence and encouraged by Woody’s calls of “This is rubbish” and “No-one’s moving – why aren’t you helping each other out?” the colours began to mount attacks. Yet, no goal was forthcoming. In boredom Phil smashed the ball into Acomb and had to set off to get it. While he was gone, there were no chances. In fact, chances were so few and far between that Woody had taken to sitting in the penalty area to yell abuse at his players. His lack of movement out of goal (because he has a poorwy ankle) meant his team were getting tired, whilst the bibs rotation policy of “Next” as soon as a keeper had arrived, was keeping them fresh.
Dave had a good curling shot saved by Woody
.
Darkness began to fall...the floodlights had no intention of illuminating the game – maybe they had fallen asleep watching.
Jason had an opportunity blocked well by Dave, Sam was playing well again in defence, Ed was playing a blinder, not only wide and stretching the colours but he was dispossessing any attack that Phil was trying to muster. Buncey looked like he might have found the perfect match – space, movement and planty of runners in Jonny, Dave and Simon. The only problem was that every time he got the ball and began to look dangerous one or two Churches descended on him – never a pretty sight.
Brett got bored and went up front. Then came back as he realised that no-one was left in defence.
Ed pulled off a fantastic save from a curling effort from Rich C and at that point we should’ve said – You know what guys – this is going to stay 0-0. If only we’d said that – we could’ve saved ourselves 20 mins of Woody shouting “You’re going to make history you bunch of losers” every 2 mins from his position sitting on the crossbar.
Dave then set up Simon with the move of the game – drifting past both Churches and Brett, he timed his pass to Simon past the outstretched foot of Phil, only for Woody to scamper out of his area and block (and just in case we’d forgotten his poorwy ankle, he gave a little yelp)
Dave then turned defender to block Phil when quite frankly Emile Heskey would’ve shot quicker – however, a great block and STILL 0-0.
Then the chance of the game – Towney, who had been switching wings with Rich C all evening dinked a great ball in to Phil standing on his lonesome on the back post. Only Matt Young to beat with his diving header……the world stood still….Phil sensed glory and closed his eyes……connection……only for Matt to avenge the earlier travesty of justice and prove that, just like Neville Southall, fat keepers can dive and he tipped the ball over – just like THAT save of Gordon Banks in 1970.
By now bats were flying around although a quick check of Roy’s wallet meant it was getting dark and not that he was seeing if he’s brought his match fees.
Bibs pushed forward in a seemingly suicidal bid to win it and it nearly paid off as Roy saw his effort pull across goal. However, as before this meant that they were light at the back and Sam had to pull off a great tackle to deny Shaun who up until now had been a talisman up front holding the ball and moving to allow others space. Towney tried his luck from the right, only to see his cross go all the way through without a sniff from Colours.
Woody was getting desperate in his desire for a goal and, proving that he has been faking for weeks, set off on a mazy run….only to lose the ball in centre midfield and hare it back (poowy ankle my a**e) to goal before the shot came in.
Eventually Simon and Phil called a truce (it really was that kind of night) and a 0-0 draw was agreed. The stats would make depressing reading – I think bibs had 3 shots on target, colours 4. So, history was made, the first ever 0-0 at Oaklands on a Wednesday evening, let's hope it doesn't happen again.
I will however, leave the last word to Jason who – having been shouted at by his own team mate Phil, yelled at by Woody and chastised by Matt was heard to say “I thought this was meant to be a Christian thing and people have taken it too seriously”. Too right and I for one apologise [yeah, me too, really sorry about my language! - Matt].
Player of the week: A tough call – a game dominated by defenders again. Rich C ran and ran as did Towney who both were influential in their teams performance. Brett played solidly again and couldn’t be faulted for his positional sense and breaks from the back. Dave again broke everything up and looked to attack when he could and Sam played well again in defence for bibs. But man of the match goes to Ed. He used his brain to move from wing to wing but also held the central area when he needed to; he defended from the front and tackled men older than him on countless occasions (darn him!!). He also played some really neat simple passes. And he kept his hat on for the full 60 mins. Good work Ed – well done.
Match Report by Phil McBride
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