Match Report: Wednesday 7th July

Buncey's Team: A Lot!
Gav's Team: 4 (ish)

Buncey's Team: Buncey, Jonny W, Jonny 2, Ed, Andy, Kev, Matt, Tom, Scott,Brett, Simon J
Gav's Team: Gavin, Will, Steve J, Simon B, Dave, Tuvvy, Shaun, Jason F, Roy, Rich C

It was a warm, humid evening at Oaklands and I arrived to find a queue of about 78 women all clamouring for access to some kind of thigh toning extravaganza. Bad timing - decided to pay for the pitch afterwards so it was straight out to the pitch and teams were picked.

Turns out the game was one of the most one side affairs Oaklands has ever witnessed, so I apologise for that, I will get it right next time (by getting someone else to pick teams!). It was great to see Brett back from a long injury. I don't think the ankle is quite right yet, but he was getting so bored with the gym he decided it was time to return. Roy, Buncey, Simon J, Tom and Dave were all back and with Scott making his debut we had one of the biggest turnouts for a while. Glad we didn't have to fed them all (Jonny had left his loaves and fishes at home).

It was a mental game, played at 100 miles an hour with about a thousand goals (might be exaggerating just a little here) and I’m afraid remembering individual highlights has proved difficult for my aging brain! You know those games you had at lunch time in Primary School where all the players chase the ball so you end up just running around in a huge gang? Well, parts of this game were like that.

Buncey’s team took the lead after a few minutes through, I think, Jonny and it wasn’t long after that that Brett marked his returned with a nice finished after a rare foray into the opposition’s goal area. Brett was having a storming game at the back and Will, Steve J and Gav were finding it difficult to get past him, Jonny 2 and Tom in defence. Steve J is quality though and with Tuvvy and Dave as target men and Shaun making good runs around the box the chances did come. Is Steve J the new George Best? Maybe George Best was the old Steve J!

Space was at a premium, but that did not stop Jonny running with the ball at every opportunity. He has great control and causes the defence real headaches, however, he is still prone to take on one player too many when there’s a pass available. That said, great work from Jonny led to Buncey having the easiest of opportunities and just like the crisp thief Gary Lineker, Buncey tapped in from about 3 inches out. They all count though and that made it 4-1 to Buncey’s Team.

Tuvvy had a sniff at goal when a ball across the box just evaded him by a matter of millimetres, Gavin had a great volley saved by Jonny and Steve had a great long range effort drift just wide. Both teams also hit the ball over then fence more than normal and Kev, Buncey and Matt all missed easy chances when getting underneath the ball and blasting over. Matt’s miss prompted Simon B to tell his keeper not to worry about trying when Matt shoots as “it’s never going to be on target”. A view that was strengthened when Tom found Matt from a corner and Matt blasted wide with the ball coming off his shin-pad. Simon B looked at Matt and laughed.

Ed and Andy were playing well on the let wing and Ed had a couple of shots saved by the keeper and also, one lovely shot that beat the keeper but clipped the top of the crossbar. Buncey grabbed a second and also was twice hacked down, once by Jason and once by the iron-shined Roy Gibson. Buncey sat on the floor, arms wide appealing to the imaginary referee.

The goals came think and fast, with Jonny, Tom and Simon J all getting on the score sheet, what the score was though is anyone’s guess. (Simon B’s guess would probably be 4-3 to Gav’s Team). Speaking of Gavin, he had a cracking shot from distance that beat the keeper but struck the underside of the bar and bounced out. Only one cry of “goal-line technology” shows how quickly we’ve moved on from Frank Lampard’s “goal” and how we have probably already started to delude ourselves that Euro 2012 is in the bag.

Matt tried volleying a long ball into the goal but hit it so far wide he may as well have not bothered, cue more mocking from Simon B. Then, a moment to savour. Rich Church passed a goal kick to Simon B who just stood there ball watching. I mean, I was convinced he was going to set up an easel and do a nice watercolour of the pass. Matt simply picked the ball up before it reached the slumbering Janner and took a couple of touches before slotting past Will in goal. Pretty Boy was quiet. Matt grinned. That’s karma.

There was still time for Buncey to complete a well deserved hat-trick and then we called time on possibly the most one-sided game ever. However, it has to be said that Gavin, Will, Steve J, Simon B, Dave, Tuvvy, Shaun, Jason F, Roy and Rich C all played well. It’s was just one of those games where nothing was going for them. The extra player on Buncey’s team really counted. Let’s hope for a more even contest next time out and then a good performance against Acomb Gateway in the 11-a-side.

Goal Of The Week: Nearly picked myself, purely because of the look on Pretty Boy's face when I scored. However, Buncey scored a great goal, beating a couple of players and then curling the ball past Gavin's dive into the bottom corner of the goal. It was cool, clinical finish.
Great goal Buncey.

Player Of The Week: There were a few good performances as always. Steve J and Will played well, Steve particularly never stopped running and showed some fantastic skills. Brett was brilliant and looked like he'd never been away. Jonny had some great runs and made a couple of nice saves. Jonny 2 had a solid game in defence. Simon J had a great game both in defence and attack. Buncey was full of his usual tricks and scored some nice goals. Rich Church never let his head drop and had a great game in defence, he is an awesome tackler. Tuvvy and Tom both had great games too. This week though I'm going to give POTW to Simon Bissett. Simon normally likes to play up front but this week realised he was needed in defence and spent almost the entire game defending brilliantly and barking orders at his team. He was often left isolated at the back but still defended like a rabid butcher’s dog and made it difficult for Buncey’s team to score. A right-back by trade Simon should perhaps spend more time in defence as he’s quality and made some great blocks and tackles. It was nice to see the often, erm, volatile Devon temper kept in check and a more mellow performance from Simon despite the circumstances. Late in the game he went and played on the right up-front and did well there too. A key member of the St Paul’s team, Simon’s consistently good performances often go upraised with a more flashy, younger player stealing the limelight, not this week though. Denied his partner in crime (Phil McBride) Simon worked hard to marshal his defence and was only to blame for Matt’s goal, which is good going considering how many Buncey’s team scored. Like the unfashionable Gareth Barry, Simon did his job well and with the steal of Julian Dicks and slightly unhinged Gazza-like craziness he’s a top class player. Well played Simon, let’s see you re-produce that performance in the 11-a-side.

Here’s a little video in honour of Simon: